15. Living with daughters. Anyone for Thai?
Updated: Oct 18, 2020
Hands up who has daughters?
As a parent of daughters, all you ever needed to say to me was 15.
I would hear that powerful number and think ahhhh yes, the magical age of a 15 year old girl.
There is nothing quite like
the exact and equal amount of fury
coupled with exquisite beauty
expressed in a 15 year old girl.
As a mother of girls, plus working in the education industry with teens, trust me when I say, it is the time of your life when you are spending time with Miss 15.
To describe the flavour of a 15 year old girl in a nutshell, would be best expressed as a delicious Thai dish. Sweet, sour, salty, spicy and hot headed. Sometimes even surly,
sharp, sullen and occasionally downright angry and depressed, often finding life to be hard, confusing and complex.
On the flip side of this character, that I am reduced to describing as a meal, I would also add that 15 can be delicate, savvy, sassy and sensitive. A magnificent being that can find life to be anything from enchanting to a magical discovery.
In truth, a 15 year old girl is in a year of self love.
A year to explore the depth of her beauty and sacredness.
A time to open up to the world and celebrate her delicateness, grace, wisdom and abundant beauty.
15 is beyond this world. She moves with a fluidity and flare like a being in a body that is celebrating its purpose which is to shine and show the world that we are not from here.
A 15 year old girl shines the heavens through her eyes.
She is stardust in motion.
This living being, in the category of 15, can be observed to feel many shades of the spectrum and any one of these feelings, being light or heavy in any given moment. She can oscillate, like a pendulum between love and deep disregard and don’t be lagging, because you will need to keep up.
You see, 15 is also unlocking many old feelings from the past. So is it any wonder that she is moody? And it is not just hormones. You see, we get away with nothing in life. Every single way of being, that we have lived, is right back in our faces at 15 and it is often no pretty. 15 will sometimes develop issues with mental health, body image, relationships, friends, siblings, school dynamics, world concepts and confidence and the list goes on.
15 is a product of her own choices, plus the crudeness of our culture and society and complexity of family and friends and is a sponge for all that is untrue in our world of creation. She is the representation of our world that has smashed the sacredness a young girl personifies. She is living the life we have set up and presenting it back to us in all her fury. It is a hard pill to swallow. 15 represents our past and our future all wrapped up as a young lady.
However, 15 has also started to unlock their inner connection with their body, soul and innate beauty and the love that they are and this can be felt in the warmth of their smile and the depth of their sparkling eyes. The sheer beauty that they are is often unfolding like the magnificence of a blossoming flower around this precious age.
6 ways to support 15 through this time of her life.
1. Level with her.
Put down the parenting hat for a sec and let Miss15 know that you get it. You see the reason for her angst and disregard. You understand that she are coming to terms with her past. You know that she is in a swimming pool of fears and thoughts and complexity right now. Get real with her. She needs you to deeply connect. This does not mean accepting bad behaviour and abuse. Observing and being honest and transparent is key.
2. Hold Steady
Without sympathy, hold steady and allow the young woman to feel the solidness in your being. Not solid? Perfect time to heal your own insecurities and hurts. You are a living breathing, representation of her future. Have you healed you inner 15? How is it looking? Don't be hard on yourself. Be honest and willing to deeply honour who you are. She will benefit, trust the alchemy of loving oneself.
3. Give Space
When 15 is in a mood and 'processing' as we fondly like to call it, best leave them to their own space. Why bait the bear? She needs her space. Remember that space is filled with love. She needs space to think, to ponder, to explore how she feels. She needs space to get it wrong, sort it out and make friends with her own inner settlement. Stop telling her what to do. She knows knows what to do. She has her own inner wisdom that is deeper than the ocean. Encourage her to resource that, for there she will find the truth.
4. Appreciate the good times
15 can be hard to get along with. There I have said it! She knows this and she may just need the road to be bumpy for a while. But remember, when she is feeling okay and the essence of her is felt, deeply appreciate her. Refresh and start new. Laugh with her, tell her what you love about her. Don't hold back. Sometimes the window is small, so go for it. You can be the one thing in her life that is consistent and true. Appreciate yourself and how awesome you are as a parent, but even more so, as a being. What are your strengths? What makes you unique? Celebrate and make space to express, love and play, it is what makes daily living, enriching.
5. Inspire through movement
If your darling 15 year old is living on a planet that seldom reflects the truth, then you are her mecca point. You have a responsibility. Your responsibility is to love yourself. Enjoy being in your body. Take great care of who you are. Let go of any jealousy and regret and refresh your own life. You are a reflection for your daughter to feel, through the way you walk, talk, move, and live your daily life. This is you setting standards that she can feel and choose, if inspired.
6. Love her like never before
Yes. She is 15. Yes we know you want it written on your t-shirt. We get that it can be hard. We know it can be challenging. But remember, you were once there too. Times have changed but we return to our own challenges until we heal them.
What is your lesson in all of this? Why did she choose you?
This relationship is a gift. You will have the opportunity to open your heart and love without conditions, be more honest, show your delicate side, let go of being right, observe more and judge less. You will have the opportunity to heal hurts, express deeply, give space and build your sense of humour muscle. You will be able to raise the bar with respect and never accept abuse. Wow, what lessons the 15 year presents to us on tap. Thank her. If you can remain open and loving, one day she will thank you.
In the end, your 15 year old daughter is in a transitioning time and she needs your love and understanding. So always remember to keep your sense of humour, you are going to need it. Anyone for Thai?