(Part 2 to; I won't miss you when you're gone.)
'All great relationships take work'. This is both true and not true. Every relationship that is sent from heaven must be honoured and respected from the moment the souls meet. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. The fire has been ignited. The partnership is complete. There is no 'work' in that whatsoever. Except of course, the purpose of the relationship and the 'work' that is presented from there on.
However, life is interesting because, once you say yes to an evolutionarily relationship, then every single thing that you personally need to look at in your life, is now offered to you via that relationship. Wow. That's lifetimes of baggage right there. Loads of unpacking to be done? Mmmm. You are home. Let's start unpacking....
10 ways to be together, together.
1. No imposition
No one likes to be imposed upon. It feels like you have a web tightly woven around your whole being. When you feel imposition, like a labyrinth, it blocks and bullies you to move a certain way and make particular choices. No body likes being told what to do. When you feel imposed upon you can sometimes feel like you are being made to change or adjust before you are ready and not in your own timing.
As the imposing one, and we can all relate to this, it may be as simple as telling someone what to do, giving an opinion that has not been requested or simply not giving the other person space to move in their own rhythm or flow.
Rather than imposing upon each other, there is a joy in giving space.
2. Space to be me
Space is a common word you hear in relationships. 'Oh I need space'. 'Oh we are taking space'. Space is not always the physical aspect of being apart. Sometimes space is providing the opportunity to allow yourself and others to move in a way that is not imposing. There is a quality about spaciousness that has a flow and order to it like grandness of the universe itself.
Giving oneself space is simply allowing yourself to breath your own breathe, move in your own timing, heal and allow yourself the room to be you. Giving another space is providing an environment that is open, non imposing, with no opinion and no judgement.
Allowing space is one of the most loving things you can do in a partnership and this does not necessarily mean spending time apart. It is more about holding your own and being who you truly are in every moment, whilst being together or apart.
3. Honest with me
Get real. Get honest? Yes but it also means being aware, because how can you be truly honest with yourself if you are not aware of your patterns and behaviours? How honest am I about who I am and what I am responsible for in a loving relationship? The truth is a relationship is not 50/50, it is 100% you in relationship with you first, then that amazing soul that stands before you.
How much do you love you? Then that's how much you can love another. No more or less. You simply cannot love another if you do not love you first.
How much do you appreciate who you are and what you bring? If you don't then you simply cannot appreciate another.
See where I am heading here. Be honest. Check in. Do a review, take stock, do whatever it takes to carefully ponder on what you bring to your loving relationship. If it is half mast, then be honest. First with yourself, then with your partner. Honesty must be felt before the truth is revealed.
4. Listen up
'Listen to me', we say. 'Understand me', we demand. We all want to be heard. We all want to be understood, yet so often we don't allow each other the room or space to express and open up without jumping in and contributing to the conversation before the other person has finished speaking.
Being deeply listened to is one of the most healing and settling
moments a person can experience,
yet how often are we shut down or cut off
from fully expressing ourselves?
Being a great listener, and deeply listening asks us to listen, not only to the words, but the silence in between the words, the body, the movements, the gestures, the tone of the voice, the content and most of all, the vibration and intent of the speaker. Giving another space to listen is offering heaven to earth.
'Earth' asks to communicate a thought and 'heaven' holds still.
'Earth' sometimes needs to hear her own voice to unpack a concept and
when she is held by 'heaven', she can often heal and move on.
Listen to your own body, voice and movements. What is the quality of your voice telling you? Do you need to speak less, speak more, speak up or speak softly? Is the content enriching, unwarranted or even harming?
The more we connect to the voice of the soul and the beauty of its quality and richness, the more we will listen and be heard, simultaneously.
5. Willingness to be
Am I willing to be myself in this relationship? Am I willing to be transparent and open and honest and truthful with my self and my partner? Am I willing to be 'pulled up' and to look at all my old patterns of behaviour that are exposed when I am in relationship with another?
Constantly saying yes to evolution, means being willing to let go of being right and holding on to your own commitment to grow.
6. A note to 'Self'
Dear self,
You think it is all about you, don't you?
However you are arrogant, ignorant, unaware, stale and tired.
With love from your soul.
In a partnership, we are a team. This is the truth and our commitment. So why then do we have so many disagreements and opinions? Could it be that we are 'full' of ourselves?
Being in a loving relationship is seemingly complex and yet can be so simple. We are two beings with a united purpose on this planet. This means that although we both 'love to be right' we are greater than that.
We are on the same team like a doubles match of tennis, playing against the lies and corruption, not in a singles match, striking a ball at each other, to win the endless game of 'I know better'. Love set match? I don't think so.
The more we relinquish our need to be right and make everything about ourselves, the easier it is to work as a tight team. The less we compare and compete, the more we appreciate our strengths and work together. The more we accept each others flavour and perception, the greater the change we have of expanding and deepening our relationship, with ourselves and the all. Enrichment is not found in bickering, or being right. Enrichment is found in holding, honouring and respecting our unique contributions to the whole.
The less self absorbed and self centred, the more self realisation and deep care. We are one plus one equals one. There is no self in that.
7. We can say....
We are deeply committed in our relationships when we are deeply committed to our own evolution. The more I honour who I am and what I bring to the world, the more true I am in my relationships. We are magnificent as a duo and every tiny detail matters. This love is for all but starts with us, this is a gift not a given. To be treasured every single moment of our one life.
8. Day to Day
Every day we have a chance to care a little more, understand a little more. Express a little more. It is our responsibility as a couple and as ourselves to stay connected to our own order and flow and commitments. The finer details of the day to day life movements all add up and when we are not honouring this, we start to erode the very thing we promised to bring and that is our willingness to expand together.
10. I won't miss me, now you are home
You are home and it is wonderful. I will commit to nourishing all those rituals and day to day ways to support myself to stay steady, strong and open. This in turn supports us both to do the same. I won't loose my purpose or intimate understanding of myself when you are home. It's needed to keep us loving ourselves first, to then love each other and then the world and beyond.
We stand tall together, as a team, by standing tall and steady within ourselves.