The Gentle Man. Not the Mummy's Boy.
We live in a world where we champion the man that is society’s picture and representation of strong and smart and powerful. But given the state of our planet, what are we really modelling for our young boys?
Strong, not tough.
The strong man is not defined by his big muscles, tattoos, and his ability to be hard and insensitive.
The strong man is the man that knows how he feels and is not afraid to express himself freely and clearly. The strong man is in touch with the balance of his male and female expression and tenderness. Feeling okay about being sensitive and intimate with others through his gentle and delicate ways. This is not just romantically but in his everyday connections with his family, colleagues and friends.
Smart not arrogant.
The smart man is not the man that is necessarily highly educated and intelligent and impresses us with his pristine ability to recall information and run a tight ship in the family, business and his relationships.
The smart man is clear, warm and sensitive, knows himself to the core, and is willing to be so deeply connected to who he is that when he speaks he does so with wisdom from his body that is otherworldly, not recited information that has been regurgitated from books, gossip, false education, and the media.
Power not force.
A powerful man is a man that is gentle, caring of self and others, wise from within, aware of himself, others and the world that he lives in and within. A powerful man is not in reaction or forceful but rather, responsive to others, playful when required, deeply understanding when needed and ultimately a leader through inspiration and movement.
Gentle not soft.
The gentle man is a man that is living in a quality
that is rich, holding and true.
He is authentic, real and himself in every way.
He is not a flake nor is he a fake.
He is his sensitive, caring, transparent and
his beautiful loving self,
to be seen and felt by all
The Mummy's Boy.
You have met them. There is a certain flavour about these men. They have a sense of entitlement and a distorted sense of reality. And let's be clear. We are not speaking of the man who is deeply loved by his mother, in a clear and healthy way, with no attachment. We are observing the son that has been raised to be used to substitute the mother's lover or husband. He has been used to protect mum, replace dad and or be the 'son' that carries the family name. He will often struggle to have meaningful connections. He has been spoilt and pandered to due to another's needs and desires. These impositions set him up for a lifetime of expectation, confusion and resentment. He can grow to be ill-equipped when it comes to deeper relationships as well as being a selfish partner. Most of all, these young men lose sight of who they are, whilst they play a role for another.
Our boys listen to us, watch our movements.
They take on our ideals and beliefs.
Our boys need to know that they do not have to harden up,
shut down and perform. Our boys need to feel they have
the space to be themselves in every way, right from the start,
which is well before we birth them.
In truth, the boys know who they are from the get-go but we indoctrinate them from utero and hence the push back. Is it any wonder why we have such disorder on our planet? The more our boys feel they can be true to themselves, the less need we will have for wars, gangs, gaming, pornography, family violence, depression, disease, mental health issues and suicide. These are all desperate calls for help and keep us in the cycles of abuse that we all know too well.
So at the end of the day, are we being responsible as a society,
as mothers, fathers and carers of our boys when we say…
Be a man.
He's such a boy.
You are a sissy.
Don’t be such a girl.
Boys don't cry.
Every time we ask a young man to represent society in this bullying, demanding and idealistic way we place another brick in the man-made wall called huMANity for him to hide behind. Enough already. The game is up. Our young men have been fed lies and we have all played along. We have told the men to man up and then wondered why they have suffered. No more pictures about how our boys should be. No more robbing them of their sensitives and sacredness. No more defining them by their physicality without looking first at the magnificent being with the soul dwelling within the body.
So ladies and gentle men, heal your own beliefs about how you think boys should be, and what you think they owe you, then birth the boys, let them chose pink, let them cry, let them express themselves, raise them to know themselves inside out, their standards, their values and inner qualities and always encourage them to be the man they are right from the start and right from the heart. That way we will all start to unravel and change the paradigm we call man-kind, one brick at a time.